I want to go back to before you met her. Cause no matter what is or isn’t going on, it still hurts everytime I know you’re together, even the thought of it. Ffs. How come it’s so easy for you and harder in every single way for me

I don’t like love. It’s an endless cycle of happiness and pain really isnt it. You fall in love for the first time and it’s the happiest you’ve ever been and you have no worries in the world cause you don’t know how it feels to lose it.. then you lose it and you feel the most awful miserable endless feeling in the world, and you go through so much pain for so long, and it never really goes away it just fades. and just when you feel like you’re happy with being alone, you fall in love again. and there you are, feeling better than ever! thinking that the first time was just a learning curve, that you couldnt possibly go through that again.. then you lose it and you just start all over again.

I want to put an end to it now, I don’t wanna fall in love again. I don’t think I could take this one more time.. just feels like everytime I get up, I get kicked back down again. Why I ever let myself think that being in love was the happiest thing ever I’ll never know.. how can you blame me though! every movie ends with two people finding eachother and falling in love and being happily ever after, it’s all bollocks! No one stays together, everyone leaves and you can’t trust a single person not to hurt you. Nah, it’s always been bullshit. Fuck love.

Everytime I eat it hurts, I guess not eating for like three weeks fucks you up. I started getting hungry again, but I kinda don’t want to eat. I keep looking at my body and thinking.. wow, I feel kind of attractive again. that’s quite bad really isnt it. But i’m going to grab anything that makes me slightly happy and keep hold of it!

I need to know theres a future, I can’t stand thinking that this is the definite end forever. It’s like I made it up in my head, if there weren’t reminders everywhere I swear i’d be certain that I made it all up, or it was a dream. The last year of my life might as well had just been a dream. How depressing is that

My top still smells of you from the other night, why did it go so fast. i need you, theres no two ways about it i just fucking need you and i can’t stand life without you. im struggling everyday, it feels like im getting on because i have to, not cause i want to. i miss you so fucking much it hurts.. just come back

I feel so fucking guilty and it wasn’t even that wrong. Now I’m not laid in bed mad at you, I’m laid here feeling fucking awful for making you shed even one tear because of me. I thought I was perfect but I made so many mistakes, I want to do it all over again and be perfect. I just want that chance. Oh my god, I would kill for a simple life.

I wish I could go back to last night and just stay there, stay there forever and ever

Is there a relationship you can have with someone where you just keep me company and cuddle me and stuff.. but no sex and no feelings? cause that’s what i wanttttt:(

It’s so shit how I’m really lonely and I’d love to be texting someone really attractive and funny but theres two problems with that. 1) I am not over my ex and won’t be for fucking years. 2) No attractive people want me. 

but I miss that buzz when you first start texting someone, but I’m not ready. and it annoys me how you were before we even ended. Yeah, I’m gonna get myself wound up now.